Sunday, September 21, 2008

Peace that passes understanding

Before I post the story of how Joy came into this world I wanted to let everyone one know what a beautiful day yesterday was. We buried our baby girl yesterday. It was a very hard day in some respects, but even more it was a day of great peace. A greater peace than I ever expected. I think I truly now know the meaning of the "peace that passes understanding." It's just that....the peace I felt doesn't make sense in light of what we just went through. That is the peace that only Jesus can bring.

As we were entering the cemetery in the processional the song "Held" by Natalie Grant was playing on the christian radio station. This is another song that has really touched my heart during my months with Joy. A couple years ago when I had a miscarriage in Feb. 2006 it also brought me great comfort. Ironically enough a friend of mine emailed me the lyrics the night before the funeral.
_______________________________________
Held By Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays Is appalling.
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was When everything fell we'd be held.
_________________________________________________

I thought I would be a complete mess...there were some tears of course and there is bound to be a lot more to come, but there was a peace. Like I said, I can't explain it. Jesus was there, He was holding us. I felt held. I was stregthened by the friends and family that stood by our side and felt the power of everyone lifting us up in prayer. There were friends and family we had known for many years, some friends we are just getting to know, and a couple people that we had just met that day.

It was a beautiful day, warmer than had been expected. We had a viewing so that everyone could see just how beauitful Joy was. What was even more beautiful was how much her little life had impacted so many. Not just the people who were with us that day, but eveyone who knows about Joy's story. I could not help but think that some people live an entire lifetime not making an impact like Joy has and I believe it has only just begun.

I have to share with you something that Elijah, my 4 year old, asked me as we were standing there looking at Joy. He said "Mama, is this heaven?" It nearly broke my heart. What a sweet boy...we had talked about how Joy is in heaven with Jesus and we had not seen her in a couple days so I guess he thought we were in heaven. I can only imagine how hard it is for such a young child to understand all this when I can barely make sense of it all myself.

We had a simple, but beautiful service for her graveside. Our Pastor, Mark Wargo, officiated. Lewis insisted on being the one to put her tiny casket in the ground as well as bury her. At first I thought it kinda strange. Not that I know what is strange or not in situations like this. Like I've said before, I don't have a lot of experience with death and funerals. I soon realized that this seemed to be his way to taking care of his little girl, not leaving the chore to someone who does not know her. A Daddy (or Papa as he likes to be called) who's heart is broken wanting to feel like he could do something for his little Joy.

Another touching part of the day for me was after the funeral at our home. My mom had purchased I think about 17 or 18 ballons before the funeral that we were going to release. Well, the time came for that and we all took markers and wrote messages to Joy. I thought it was a "neat" idea, but was not prepared for how moved I was going to be. We all let them go at the same time. The ballons all stayed in a pack drifting into the sky. I imagined Joy receiving them in heaven and having so much fun playing with them.

I want to thank the members of our family who started us with a tree and many beautiful plants for the garden in our backyard that we are starting in memory of Joy. I will post about this more in the future....with pictures to come.

Lastly, I want to thank the many people who have supported us in prayer, in words of encouragement, and in acts of kindness. There are no words to express how much we love and appreciate you all. May you be abundanlty blessed!!

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, that transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.





3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sharleen--I sit here crying as I read your latest post. You are truly an amazing person and I am learning so much about unending love and unwavering faith from you. Joy's short life was certainly not in vain--she touched all of us. You have shown such grace and strength thru this incrediably difficult time.

I wish you peace. Please give Phoebe and Elijah a hug and a kiss from me. Elijah will continue to ask questions about Heaven and Joy as my Bella does about her Grandad. At first it may be difficult to hear the questions but as time goes on the innocence of the remarks will bring a smile to your face. I love that Bella still remembers her Grandad and asks about him. It makes me realize that she has not forgotten.

Big hugs coming your way...Love, Kara

manizor said...

Thanks for posting these thoughts and reflections. What a beautiful day! I'm thankful you sensed the Lord was near and that His peace surrounded you. We are praying for strength and grace to face each new day - with all of it's tears and sorrow. May the Lord continue to make his presence real as you look to Him.

The Sloterbeeks said...

Wow. I totally know what you mean about finally understanding "the peace that passes all understanding" I felt that too with Joshua. Brandon also wanted to be the one to put Joshua's casket in the grave and he later expressed that same feeling of wanting to take care of his son. You are also right about the tears, I'm writing through mine right now but somehow they are good, cleansing, renewing. I am so glad you were able to enjoy the day, we had a beautiful day for Joshua's funeral as well. Keep in touch, Dawn