This is a post I originally wrote on 12/8/08, but it seems to have remained only as a draft. I thought with today being Valentine's Day it would be an appropriate time to share it.
It's a strange thing ...grieving a child. I know that no two people grieve the same way, which brings me to my husband...Lewis. I picked him up from the airport the other day and the next day we went to church. During the worship service he looked over at me with tears in his eyes and said "I really miss her." Of course I knew exactly who he was talking about. I grabbed his hand and said "me too." He drove us to Joy's grave site after church and again became emotional.
Of course I know Lewis loves and misses Joy, but I don't always see that side of him. I think sometimes I'm too consumed by my own grief to think about his or I assume he is at a different place of acceptance in dealing with his grief. I guess we are both trying to find our own way through it. Sometimes it's difficult and other times we get by, whatever that means.
Lewis asked me today if I have ever had someone ask me how many kids I have since Joy was born. I knew exactly what he was asking me before he even got all the words out. It has been something I've been thinking about lately. The truth is I have not had anyone ask me this yet. I guess I don't get out enough or come in contact with new people who don't already know about what has happened. Of course the answer is ...I have 3 kids. While Lewis was on travel last week for work he said he was asked this many times. I asked him what he said. He said "I told them I have 3 kids." I asked him if he explained any further and he said not always and that sometimes there were questions that required further explanation like...how old are your kids?
It's funny the simple things that can bring a person joy. My husband, for as much as we butt heads sometimes, he brings me joy. He has so many facets to him. If the truth be known, I must confess he is really more sensitive than I and he sometimes surprises me. He is often very loud and boisterous, but then there are those times he gets so sentimental and wells up with tears when talking about the love he has for our kids and I. He'll really hate me saying this but I've even caught him crying during one of the proposals on "The Bachelor" reality show. I never let him forget it either. I also like to embarrass him with this small detail. I think it's kinda sweet.
I love that he doesn't over think things the way I do. He is just himself. Many times I'm too concerned with what others think, probably because I'm my biggest critic and think other people must be thinking the same things as me. Not the case.
Happy Valentine's Day Lewis! I love you! Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
the storm is brewing
1 year ago