Friday, January 30, 2009

Princess Phoebe turns 2

Okay, I am a little late with this...Phoebe's birthday was Sat. Jan. 24. After my last, somewhat disgusting, post I thought I should redeem myself by putting up a much more flattering picture of the princess, also known in these parts as Phoebs. You'll be happy to hear that no cake found it's way up her nose.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Gross Me Out

Look who was shoving macaroni & cheese up her nose at lunch the other day. I could not resist to take a picture.
What really makes this gross is that Phoebe has been really snotty the last couple days. As she pulled the noodle out out her nose a trail of snot followed behind it.
Can you guess what she did next?
Yep, she ate it! She thought she was pretty darn funny too.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Four Months

11:58am marked four months since Joy's quick arrival and departure from this world. I still can't believe it really happened. I know I say that a lot, but I really think that often. Maybe because I can't believe I'm still standing after everything that has happened...some days more firm than others. What a testament to God's grace. I don't deserve it, but he gives it anyway...and I'm so grateful he does.

It's amazing how much I have been changed by this baby girl that I never got to know outside my womb. She has impacted my life in ways I cannot fully express nor fully understand yet. I'm still a HUGE, I mean HUGE...did I say HUGE?.... work in progress, but for some reason I have a little more clarity. Clarity of who I am, whats important, how I see myself, my family, my God, and how my God sees me. I'm so glad he isn't finished with me yet.

Something I read on another blog that rings so true is this ...God allowed something in his wisdom that he could have prevented in his power. I just have to trust his wisdom, because man o man I wish he would have prevented my little girl from having so many physical abnormalities that they would not allow her little 2 pound body to function apart from mine. He did not prevent it, he allowed it. He did not allow it to teach me a lesson, he did not allow it because of something I did or did not do. It just wasn't all about me. It's about him! He has purpose for all of it far beyond what my eyes can see, far beyond my pain and tears.

I'm clinging to the word God gave me during some of my darkest, most unjoyful (is that a word?), hours this summer from John 15:11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. I know my sweet Joy is complete and made whole in heaven worshipping the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. What a vision that is...literally takes my breath away. But like I said, even though I know it's not all about me, I know he is not finished with me yet. I know he is gradually restoring my joy, but better than that...I know he will be faithful to make my joy complete!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Back to School...Again

Well, I survived my first day of classes yesterday. Saying I survived is probably a tad bit on the dramatic side being as I will only be in class two days a week with a total of only 6 hours in class. So not a demanding schedule to say the least, but it's still a crazy feeling to be back in school since the last time I was in class was 1997. I'm taking anatomy and physiology as well as a math course. Ugh....I know! I have quite a limited background in these areas so it should be interesting.

I was so concerned that I was going to be the oldest person there....okay, totally not the case! Of course there were students much younger than me and probably a couple that were at least 15-20 years my senior. I suppose you could say I fit somewhere in the middle. Here's an example that makes me chuckle...while waiting for Lewis to pick me up from class I spotted a student with a Hello Kitty backpack??? Ummm I think they would have been made fun of in high school with something like that never mind college. (hope I did not offend anyone that likes Hello Kitty) An older gentlemen who I would say was probably about 60 years old told me that he was checking out where all his classes were before he started them this week so he doesn't get lost.....I guess he is taking a pre-algebra course starting tomorrow. Kudos to him....seriously!

It will be interesting embarking on this new adventure to say the least. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous. Anxious is probably the better word to use here. I'm sure in no time I'll be adjusted and bee bopping right along. Could you say a little prayer for me when it comes to school. Not just regarding the actual academics (although I do NEED to get really high grades to get into the LPN program), but also the juggling of everything know kids, husband, work, and the numerous things that go along with those. I'm notorious for either having lots on my plate or nothing at all. I guess it's obvious what this is?

Friday, January 9, 2009

But We're Not Toys...

My heart is so heavy tonight...getting tossed around by these waves. Every once in a while I feel snapped back to my reality. Nothing in particular usually sets it off, but I guess tonight it was seeing Elijah and Phoebe get up on the chair in the living room to kiss a framed photo of Joy. It really is cute to see and I love that they love her so much even in her absence. Shortly after of course I start thinking....did this really all happen? Yes, I know it did, but it seems I go through life with so many distractions that it's hard to find time to just sit and be and feel the moment.

This is something I've been thinking a lot about in the moment and really feeling all that moment has to offer. I think my recent post "learning to dance in the rain" somewhat alluded to this idea. If you are anything like me spend a lot of time looking back at the past and probably even more time thinking and dreaming about the future. What about today? Well, not to disappoint you, but I don't have anything really insightful on the topic tonight just to say that it's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm purposely trying to live in the moment and be thankful for what each day brings. It's a pretty simple concept, but much harder in least for me. Certainly I cannot be the only one?

So on that note of enjoying the moment...I was spending some time with Elijah in his bed tonight talking... he wanted me to lay down in his bed and cuddle with him. As I was laying there with him stroking his hair, the conversation went something like this...

Me: You are such a precious gift.

Elijah: What? (with a confused facial expression)

Me: You are such a precious gift from God.

Elijah: I am?

Me: Yes. You, Phoebe, and Joy are precious gifts to Mama & Papa from God.

Elijah: We are gifts?

Me: Yes.

Elijah: Mama, but we're not toys. *giggle*

Me: No. Much better than toys. Jesus makes and gives the best gifts.

Elijah: Jesus made me.

Me: Absolutely!

Two of my most precious gifts here on earth!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I Won Something!

Just wanted to share the way cool painting I won from Gitzen Girl's blog around Christmas. I got it in the mail yesterday. I stumbled across her site as I was blog hopping and saw a blog button that said "Choose Joy." Needless to say I was automatically drawn to her blog. If you check it out you'll see why.

Okay, back to the painting...Gitz was having a contest that week to win a canvas of the day and when I saw the painting this one particular day was "Choose Joy" I had to enter. Low and behold.....I won! How ironic is that? Thought I would share it with y'all. Thanks Sara!