Friday, January 9, 2009

But We're Not Toys...

My heart is so heavy tonight...getting tossed around by these waves. Every once in a while I feel snapped back to my reality. Nothing in particular usually sets it off, but I guess tonight it was seeing Elijah and Phoebe get up on the chair in the living room to kiss a framed photo of Joy. It really is cute to see and I love that they love her so much even in her absence. Shortly after of course I start thinking....did this really all happen? Yes, I know it did, but it seems I go through life with so many distractions that it's hard to find time to just sit and be and feel the moment.

This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately....living in the moment and really feeling all that moment has to offer. I think my recent post "learning to dance in the rain" somewhat alluded to this idea. If you are anything like me ...you spend a lot of time looking back at the past and probably even more time thinking and dreaming about the future. What about today? Well, not to disappoint you, but I don't have anything really insightful on the topic tonight just to say that it's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm purposely trying to live in the moment and be thankful for what each day brings. It's a pretty simple concept, but much harder in reality...at least for me. Certainly I cannot be the only one?


So on that note of enjoying the moment...I was spending some time with Elijah in his bed tonight talking... he wanted me to lay down in his bed and cuddle with him. As I was laying there with him stroking his hair, the conversation went something like this...

Me: You are such a precious gift.

Elijah: What? (with a confused facial expression)

Me: You are such a precious gift from God.

Elijah: I am?

Me: Yes. You, Phoebe, and Joy are precious gifts to Mama & Papa from God.

Elijah: We are gifts?

Me: Yes.

Elijah: Mama, but we're not toys. *giggle*

Me: No. Much better than toys. Jesus makes and gives the best gifts.

Elijah: Jesus made me.

Me: Absolutely!



Two of my most precious gifts here on earth!

4 comments:

Rachel said...

It is so hard sometimes to just sit and feel our grief and remember those few moments we had with our daughters, when there is busyness all around us. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm suppressing my grief b/c I can't alawys feel it when I want to. There's always the quiet in the evenings though after the kids have gone to bed or even when I'm in bed trying to sleep that the grief comes barreling down like a tsunami and I weep. It helps to know that this is "normal" for moms like us and helps me when I hear another mom is in the same situations.

Glad to hear you're trying to live "in the moment." Me too, but again, it can be hard with small children. When everything's done (meals, chores,etc. etc.) it's easy, but when this ones disobeying and that one's crying, it can be hard and then that's when I get sad, thinking it wouldn't be that way if only Felicity were here.

But it's impossible not to want to cuddle them closer, kiss them more often, and speak words of love to them because we know life is but a vapor.

Glad to see a post from you regardless of the topic! Grief has a way of making ordinary moms amazing writers.

manizor said...

this is so precious. thanks for sharing, Shar. what a sweet moment to share with Elijah.

praying for you these days. i'm also glad you won the painting. that's really special. :)

love you,
mel :)

Kirsten said...

You explained is so well - living in the "now" is such a challenge for me too.

The precious words from Elijah are so sweet. They help simplify what really matters.

Praying for you and your grieving heart.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post! You can tell how much you love ALL your kids..

I wanted to answer your question about the purse charm. Orders usually take about 2 weeks or so :)

Have a great day!