Learning to Dance in the Rain

I've always thought New Year's Eve was so overrated. I adopted this mantra after having some botched New Year's Eve plans when I was of the age where it seemed to be a big deal. Let me share a funny example...it must have been 1994 or 1995. I was in University and was either 20 or 21. All of my friends were back home in Niagara Falls, Ontario (that's where I grew up) for the Christmas break as most of us all went to different schools. We had plans to go down to the annual "First Night" held right down by the falls. A group called "Blue Rodeo" was going to be playing a free concert...I was somewhat of a fan so I was looking forward to it. Those of you who are Canadian will know who I'm talking about. Anyway, long story short....two of my friends were going to be driving and there was some miscommunication. One thought the other was going to pick me up and vice versa. Bottom line....I spent New Year's home alone while my mother slept. Yeehaw! I think it is totally hilarious now, but at the time I wasn't laughing.


Anyway, I don't care so much as I get older what my plans are, but rather reflect more on what a New Year signifies. Most years I am usually excited about what the New Year will bring and this year is no different. Most of 2008 has been a rather difficult year for me and my family....with learning on March 20th that we were expecting our third child and finding out May 2 that our baby had some serious anomalies, getting the diagnosis of limb-body wall complex on May 20, the rest of the pregnancy that was very emotional, and then giving birth to Joy, who was stillborn, on Sept. 15. Despite all that...I am sad to see the year go. It means we are moving farther away in time of where my memories are so fresh of Joy. I don't want to forget even the smallest of details. Good thing I have a pretty good long-term memory...most of the time anyway. It's my short term memory that is a different story.....I blame my forgetfulness on something I like to call "momnesia." Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Regardless, 2008 was Joy's year...so much time, thought, prayer and tears were committed to her. Obviously just because we are about to enter 2009 doesn't mean I'm done thinking about her or that I won't shed any more tears....these are still daily occurrences for me.


Even with all the sadness and disappointments over 2008 all of those have been intermixed with joy along the way. Why is it that joy and pain, two concepts that seem so diametrically opposed to one another seem to often travel hand in hand with each other?? Maybe it is God's way of making the pain bearable by pairing it with the joy? During each one of these trials that we have endured this year we can always look back and see God's hand at work sustaining us. Obviously things on many occasions never turned out the way we had hoped or prayed for, but yet our faith remains and dare I even say stronger? God allowed us enough grace for each new day.


Here is a quote I think pretty much sums up my year as I look to 2009.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."

I'm still learning to dance and appreciate all the joys, all the pains, all the things God gives and takes away, and yes, all the storms. I feel I've spent so much of my life waiting for certain storms to pass making sure I don't get splashed by the rain, ensuring I'm protected by a raincoat or an umbrella (you know....trying to control things that are beyond my control). If you've ever been caught in a real monsoon of a storm you know it's pretty futile. No matter how much you try to stay dry in the rain part of you is gonna get wet....why not learn to dance in it? Knowing and trusting that God is in control certainly gives me the freedom to at least try even if right now all I can do is the two-step.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!