How do I begin to put into words the flood of emotions I am having today and the days leading up to this day? I'm not sure I can do it. My heart aches....it has this whole year, but this day brings me right back to Sept. 15, 2008. You can read about that day here.
I think I've moved beyond the disbelief that I had for at least the first six months after Joy's birth/ death, although I'm feeling that today. Maybe it's just the disbelief that it's already been a year? What a crazy year.
Something that has truly helped me through this last year has been many of you. My family, dear friends, some of which I've never met face to face, some of which I haven't seen in years and those of you who have connected with me through a similar experience. Your love, support, prayers, and extension of God's love to me have helped ease some of the pain and grief. Despite all the pain, my life really does feel so much richer because of Joy, which is really difficult for me to put into words. It's just a depth that I feel in my bones. I still don't have all the answers to my "whys" and may never know this side of heaven, but I take comfort in the One who knows all, who gives me enough grace to face each new day, who provides me with the peace and comfort I need and loves me despite all my worldly imperfections...because trust me, there are many.
I'm hoping to post some pictures either later today or some time this week of some of the things we did today as a family to celebrate Joy's life and her 1st birthday. But in the mean time, let me leave you with this scripture from Isaiah that brings me comfort when I am going through things I just don't understand and I start to question God.
Isaiah 55:8-12 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater. So is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be lead forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and the trees of the field will clap their hands.
the storm is brewing
1 year ago